533 | Deny Caballero

Jason and Denny share candid reflections on veteran mental health, personal growth strategies, and the journey toward authentic living after military service.

• Veterans don't need to define themselves by brokenness or past trauma
• Mindfulness and meditation can be powerful alternatives to long-term medication for anxiety
• Creative outlets like photography and growing plants provide therapeutic benefits and new perspectives
• Physical activity, starting with simple daily walks, significantly improves mental wellbeing
• Building authentic relationships requires healing yourself first and understanding your attachment patterns
• Podcasting and media creation offer veterans ways to share stories and create community
• Focus on daily positive experiences can shift perspective and create resilience
• The "internal critic" can be acknowledged without letting it control your thoughts and actions
• Content that is authentic and serves a clear purpose will find its audience

If you're struggling, reach out. Whether through the Special Forces Foundation or Security Hall Podcast, there are resources to connect you with support specifically designed for veterans and first responders.

Transcript

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Podcast Introduction and Creator Journey

Speaker 1 0:16

Hey , welcome to the protectors podcast . Denny , welcome to the protectors podcast . Thanks a lot , before we begin , for helping me out with an article I'm working on for a skillset on how to be so . You want to be a green beret . That's what it was yeah so welcome brother yeah , thank you .

Speaker 2 0:30

Uh , thank you for having me , man , it's my pleasure fellow podcaster of the security hall podcast yes , sir , how many episodes you in now ?

Speaker 2 0:40

I just hit uh 275 , 276 releasing Friday . Yeah , man , I just got off the phone a little bit ago talking to another guy that just started , and you can find yourself in this space feeling like , oh man , I'm doing something scary , I don't know if I can support myself . I'm like , look , I'm living proof . If you're out there and you're passionate about this and you want to get into this medium , I'm telling you if I can make money doing this , if I can turn my passion into a daily entrepreneurial endeavor , you can too . Uh , there's , there should be nobody holding a gate or a barrier to entry in this . Uh , it's just . Uh , find your way to make a living out of it .

Speaker 2 1:22

Uh , I'm a dog shit entrepreneur , so if I can stumble into it , I know certainly everybody else behind me can do it and I hope you succeed . I hope someday . I'm calling you to let me get on your show , whoever you are listening to this , because let me tell you , our stories matter . Your veteran story matters , even if you're not a veteran of law enforcement first responders , those stories matter . And the uh more advocacy , the more voices in this space hell yeah you know the podcast piece is .

Speaker 1 1:48

It's this it's like hey , look , if you're going to start a podcast , get past four or five episodes , then get past 10 episodes and just keep going , keep grinding at it and you know , listen . And then go back one day and listen to your first 10 episodes and go , wow , who's that dude ? Because you're going to get better . This is like one of it's like a fighting position . You keep doing it and you keep getting better . You know , your episode 275 is definitely better than your episode 200 . It just keeps getting better .

Speaker 2 2:14

I think the number one thing that you have to understand is is it your passion ? I've certainly met people that it wasn't . It was an attractive thing . Um , they reach out to you , they want to get guidance , but it's always like well , how much ? Until you were able to monetize , when were you able to get money ? I'm like I had to get good at other skillsets within the podcasting world to make money , in that I had to get good at production , I had to get good at audio editing and then show those skills off and be able to say like hey , look like this is my passion . I'm trying to keep this ship afloat , but if this portion of my abilities can help you , I can do it for you . But it'll come at a cost . Um , and it's certainly important . I mean , there's so many assets to everybody just thinks it's getting in front of a camera and recording . But there's blogging , there's website building . Before you it . You're building a whole new set of skills that you can make a living off of , and other people will desire what you're doing .

Speaker 2 3:11

But you have to be passionate about it . You can't wake up hating it . You can't stay up till 4 pm or 4 am doing this . If you hate it , if you absolutely hate it , so just go into it if it's what you want to do and you're passionate about it . Not looking at to make money , and certainly look at it from a point

Building Media Assets for Your Mission

Speaker 2 3:28

of of creator's point of view . That's the one thing that most people don't focus on . They see a genre and they want to go into that genre . They want to go into that space . They don't stop to think . If they're even fucking passionate about it , that'd be like me going into it and trying to do , you know , completely different . Trying to do the haunted , the nightmare fuel stuff , like this week on haunted exposures with we're going to go into the woods in northern Cali . Fuck , that that's not a piece All right , I don't even know if I can cuss on this . Yeah , you can Like go into what you want to do , go into what you're passionate about and let that guide you .

Speaker 1 4:06

And do it . It doesn't . The worst thing you could possibly say when you first start podcasting is how can I monetize it ?

Speaker 2 4:14

Absolutely .

Speaker 1 4:15

Use it for what it is . You know you're , you're getting your message out there . The other thing you're using it for networking and you're using it for cross branding . So if you have anything else going on in life , you could cross-brand it . So let's say you have a company and I tell a lot of companies this I'm like you have a firearms manufacturer . There's no reason they should not have a podcast , even if it's just a 15-minute weekly . Hey , this is the state of the industry , this is what we're doing , et cetera . I mean any industry because this is what we're doing , et cetera . I mean any industry because your information flow now is this you turn on mainstream media . Nobody's watching it . You're either listening to podcasts or you're on like some sort of social media platform , and even social media platforms are hardly getting a reach . Most of it now is , I think , is like the sub stacks , it's the websites , it's the newsletters and it's podcasting . That's why you have to merge all of these things together . Yeah .

Speaker 2 5:06

When you don't have a powerful backing presence , you have to create all those assets . That's one thing I've been working with , been grateful enough to work with a few nonprofits . And I will tell you this like if you're in a nonprofit space and you don't have your own podcast , you don't have your own media assets to help propel your message , who's going to do that for you ? Who's going to do it for you ? Uh , and you already have captivating people within your own , and if you don't get on social media and find somebody that can be the voice , can be the face for you , because the reality is like you can have a great mission , but if we don't know what you're doing for veterans or first responders , how is anybody going to back you ?

Speaker 1 5:49

especially , especially when you want to get a corporate funding for anything as well . They need . They do their research , they do their , their social media dives . Before they donate a thousand , two thousand , ten thousand , hundred thousand , they look and see who they're giving money to . That means , when you do get someone to represent you , that you need to keep your eye on the prize . A lot of people try to get into spaces where they should have no reason being in there other than just being in an echo chamber . We've both seen them , the ones that jump on any hot topic right now , just because they want to have a voice , a message that really isn't that relevant except for self .

Speaker 2 6:30

Yeah , exposure yeah , that's funny , uh , that's . That's one thing that I I really hate and I refuse to do is like , except when it comes to memes , there's a lot of good memes to be had , oh yeah , but jumping on something purely because it's the , the lemming syndrome , like we're all going to be talking to this one hot topic , it's like no dude like I , I don't need to add to that . Nobody had , and there's , there's so many of them . There's like the latest trend is to hate one specific person . We all got a dog pile on that . Everybody that follows me would know my opinion on situations . I don't need to add fuel to it . It doesn't bring anything to you . It's like it's hard to sell positivity , but it feels better at night . It certainly feels better at night knowing you're not adding fuel to the fucking fire .

Speaker 1 7:22

I'm glad you mentioned that word . That is

The Power of Positivity in Veteran Spaces

Speaker 1 7:24

my favorite word word I think in the past week . Fuck is positivity . I'm helping some people and I don't . Yeah , I've been helping some people and you know I don't charge for all . My advice is free , believe me . I get online all the time and I'm like I'm on this workout kick now , but but two people I'm helping out right now want us to do PT tests . One's going through a pretty difficult time and I'm like , hey , look , in the morning I wake up , I text him , because we both know texting is like you got to keep your network A lot of times . A good morning and a good night text or whatever really help people out .

Speaker 2 8:00

So in the morning Absolutely , absolutely .

Speaker 1 8:05

I'm people out , so in the morning , absolutely , absolutely man , I'm like bro , I'm like here's , I'm like give me two positives of the day , two positives , and they give it to me , and I'm like I do the same thing , and it could be like my daughter had a soccer game last night and she won . I was super excited . That's a huge positive for me , just seeing the look on her face , and but that's the thing , though , is like positivity is so hard to push when everybody wants to be negative . They love that . Echo chambers .

Speaker 2 8:29

Yep , you know it's funny , we that positivity . That's part of gratitude , which is a great component of positive psychology Something I absolutely love talking about that mindfulness . When you stop and realize that you have more going right in your life than you have going wrong , then you can start moving forward . And that's the truth that a lot of our veterans , a lot of our service members and just everyday people don't realize because we're constantly bombarded and sold the power of negativity .

Speaker 2 8:58

You never see an advertisement where it's just normal people having a good day . It's always catastrophic event . This is what will solve it for you . Now you can be happy . Do you really need that ? Is that the messaging that we need bombarded with from our fucking toothpaste or cereal ? You can't have a great life unless you have this brought to you by colgate . Fuck that dude . You don't need that . The reality is , life is filled with horrible , shitty days and good days too . Focus on the good rather than the bad , and it's hard to focus on the positive stuff . When you can sell the negative , you can sell why this person is a piece of shit . Here's a YouTube video breaking .

Speaker 1 9:40

Apologies , we're having a little hiccup there , but , brother , yeah , focus on a positive , go ahead man .

Speaker 2 9:51

Yeah , man , apologies , we're having a little little hiccup there , but , brother , yeah , focus on a positive , go ahead man . Yeah , man , it's . It's hard to sell positivity when our mainstream media and everything that we see within our own veteran space is always constantly selling the negative . Like we , we do a really shitty job of turning away from that , and what I mean by that is , you know , we do a really good job of Monday morning quarterbacking different service members , different things , and then that you know , you highlight that on a YouTube video , that video is going to get 5 million clicks , whereas a video that's simply sharing the story of a , of a veteran that's overcoming addiction or overcoming a difficult chapter in their life , you know , get probably like 300 .

Speaker 2 10:25

And that's because we love watching somebody fall apart . We love finding somebody that's been lifted up and held up high and then watching them fall apart , and that , to me , is like , not attractive to me anymore . It doesn't do anything . Um , that's just like any , you know , murder , porn , mystery on Netflix or any of those shows Like . It's just to me , it's like , man , if we're going to take just a little bit of our times and relax and watch something , is that what you want to watch . Is that what you really want to give your time to ? And for me , it's a no . So that's why my message has always been the same , and I try to stick to it show something that's authentic in the moment , real , that provides a real , actual purpose , and it could be of service to the veteran or first responder that's in need .

Speaker 1 11:08

I think we need more of that , not less you know , the biggest thing about this , too , is like when you get negative , everything seeps into your life is negative yeah it's tough , you know . Yeah I talk about all the time on the show is about depression and about the bad days , and a lot of that is just . It's a lot of negativity that gets in your head and you then you get into your head .

Speaker 2 11:29

So the least amount of negatives you could put in your head , the better , especially when you're dealing with everything else yeah , it's so that that internal critic , a critic , that internal dialogue man , like that's one thing that , uh , we're not really good about . We're taught , and from an early age , that we have to believe everything that runs through our head , that we have to grasp onto every single thought . And because we all have an internal critic , some of us , that critic is more amplified whenever that negativity comes in . Holy shit , do we hang on to it ? And even the greatest performers in your unit , in the military , soft professionals , all those guys have that internal critic . And if we just learn to let go of those thoughts , if we just learn to like hey , acknowledge it , let it go , rather than hold on to it , rather than just grabbing that death grip of that negativity and just letting it run through our head and ruminate with it , just let it go , acknowledge that it's there .

Speaker 2 12:28

Okay , I failed at this . A perfect example . You're talking to somebody about a PT test how many times have you failed or not performed well on the PT test ? And it just eats away at you as a young private or as a young soldier . It can become something that you just can't walk away from and then it hinders your performance the next time you take it you get , you get performance anxiety .

Speaker 2 12:49

Yeah , yeah .

Speaker 1 12:50

And especially with PT . You know , PT tests can be like the easiest thing in the world . You can be in the best shape of your world , your life , but when you get there your stomach's a little queasy . You're a little queasy and what am I doing here ? I'm not going to pass . This is horrible . I'm going to trip on there and something I don't know , something you always get in your head . Your own worst enemy is yourself .

Speaker 2 13:16

Dude . So true , and it can happen . And it can be just as simple as a PD test , or it can be as complex as doing a free fall jump at night . Performer's anxiety is performer's anxiety . It can happen at the very basic level or highest levels imaginable , and the only way you can get over that is by taking a deep breath and letting it go . What happened yesterday happened yesterday . There's a moment in time I can go back . I can't go back and touch it . I can't go back and redo it . So why am I focusing on it ? Let it go and I get it . People sitting here listening to her like , well , that's easy to say . I'm like , well , try it , let it go .

Speaker 2 13:46

Radical acceptance is one of the greatest things that I ever learned . Let it go . I accept that this moment is exactly how it should be . I don't like it , I don't want it . Fuck it . It's here . I have to let it go . Breathe , let it go . Everything dissipates . Everything you're going through right now will pass .

Speaker 2 14:08

I think anxiety has become something that we latched on as a culture .

Speaker 2 14:11

Luckily , we're talking about it a lot more , but now more than ever , people want to make it seem as if it's not something you can overcome , and it's understanding that normal anxiety is a part of everyday life .

Speaker 2 14:22

Abnormal anxiety are things that we have . It's when you have to go get help . Maybe that help comes from the form of sitting down with a therapist , a coach , and maybe it leads to short-term medical prescription . Short-term , because none of us should be on medication for the rest of our lives , short of certain certain , certain people with certain conditions . Um , now , a big believer in pharmaceuticals are needed , but they shouldn't be an end all and it shouldn't always be that the thing that we lean on . I know intimately , I was on them for a very long time until I decided that , hey , like , this stuff isn't forever for everyday use , these aren't things that I should be taking every day for the rest of my life , and there's so many things we can do to take control of our own breathing , taking control of our own anxiety , and learn how to minimize the effect of it on our day to day lives .

Speaker 1 15:17

Oh , this is a wake up call for a lot of people out there , because here's the reality is like normal people you and me , I mean , I guess we're kind of normal , but hey , like me , I was on . I was on lexapro for over a decade yeah and you know I think it was probably about eight , nine months ago I weaned myself off of it .

Speaker 2 15:33

Rough to get off of it , but you know , when you want to make clear decisions in your life , you need to be off the medication bro , and if I could , if I could share this with you , like same thing thing from high doses of mini press , high doses of pretty much everything you can think of for anxiety and then coming off of it and then literally having nothing but mindfulness and meditation to get me through it , I can tell you right now I think that is the greatest tool that anybody can give you . A breathing exercise for mindfulness , for meditation when dealing with a panic attack will help you . I didn't want to hear that at first . I'm very open with . My first reaction to mindfulness was a complete fuck you . That's what the fuck are you talking about ? I want something to help me with pain

Overcoming Internal Critics and Anxiety

Speaker 2 16:21

. I didn't want to believe that I could be in control of this and it turns out you can be . It turns out that if you work at something and you are focused and you tell yourself like I want to do this , if I feel like I am upregulated , if I feel like I absolutely cannot be in this environment , I can still do something . Being in control of your emotions , being in control of your reactions , is one of the most freeing fucking experiences you can ever have as a human being and this comes from somebody that's dealt with anxiety , severe anxiety , and I can tell you like you can , if you're listening and you're struggling with this . It takes work , it takes effort , it takes dedication . You will have to sit down and read full catastrophe living If you want . You have to understand John Cavett's teaching . You have to understand meditation . You have to understand your own body , but you get to choose it at your speed .

Speaker 2 17:12

I went through my doctor . I gave him my plan of action , what I wanted to do , like look , I don't want to have to take an extra dose of medication just to face people because I feel like I'm going to explode . I don't want to do this forever . How do we step down from this medication ? How do I go back into being able to control this with mindfulness , meditation ? And I'm telling you , more often than not , doctors will sit down with you and say like , yeah , this is actually an awesome course of action . I support this . Let's get working through this , let's take you down a step .

Speaker 2 17:44

That's what it was for me as a gradual step down and then being able to do things like hey , I'm going to go to my car and meditate , I'm going to do a breathing exercise , I'm going to face this situation . I'm not going to walk away from it . I'm not going to run away from this meeting I'm having with people that are giving me this anxiety , but I'm going to lean into this . I'm going to lean into this and the more you lean into discomfort and you're willing to touch it and you're willing to be in that space , you realize you have nothing to be worried about and you literally feel the blood pressure drop and you literally start to feel like , okay , no one's staring at me , the world isn't imploding , I'm in control , I'm here in this moment and this will dissipate . This uncomfortable situation will walk away if I'm willing to just dip my toes a little deeper into this water .

Speaker 2 18:32

And and at first I wasn't open to that message and I'm really glad and really grateful that I am because ultimately , like now , I don't take medications , I I very rarely get to the situations where I'm like , oh , oh , wow , I don't want to fucking be here , I should really bounce , because the reality is I'm going to have to function in these spaces , I'm going to have to go after big dreams and big goals and they're rarely going to come without this comfort . It's going to always come with some sense of having to be around lots of people in crowded spaces with loud noises , and it's okay , because I'm not some fucking cliche disgruntled veteran . I can be in control . If we're gonna see , if we're gonna tell ourselves that we're big , strong , competent men , you gotta be willing to say , hey , I can deal with these things , I can face these things , I can get better . I don't have to pretend like I'm not being affected by it , but I certainly don't have to give away all the control .

Speaker 1 19:27

Now , it has nothing to do with being a stoic warrior either yes . I'm a . I'm at this point now where I'm doing the same thing . I do transcendental meditation . I try mindfulness next , but , um , you know , I'm even like I read the stamp book you know attached , trying to deal with my emotional issues .

Speaker 2 19:43

Oh , yeah , yeah .

Speaker 1 19:45

It's a fucking great book , man .

Speaker 2 19:48

Let's dive into that one , yeah , yeah . But you know , jason , a lot of things that you're sure , because we're , we're , we're talking , we're being vulnerable about things that are , by by large , shared amongst a vast majority of our brothers , who have the same experiences , the same attachment styles , the same dude , the amount of times we've probably done the same things and experience the same pain . And now you're , you're , we're older , we have the , the , the , the knowledge , and we're empowered and being able to reflect back and look back at a life well lived , with a lot of bumps on the road , but we can identify with like , oh fuck , how lost were , where are we ? How lost was I as a young man ? How many times did I ruin a relationship because of my , my shitty behavior and poor understanding of what it means to be a good , decent human being ? And that's like understanding that that's a lived experience .

Speaker 2 20:48

We can't go back and say I'm sorry to the previous people that you know didn't get the best version of ourselves , but we can look forward to being better human beings , being better mentors for others , because that's something that I , look back , I didn't have . I didn't have a father figure and have a mentor that guided me through that I had a lot of lost young men who are leaders , trying to do their best to help me . But that's a beauty of growing older , beauty of getting better and reading and learning and adapting and knowing that like man , I can't go back to that young 20 version or early 30 version of Denny , but I can assure that whatever kids I have or whatever young men that I go forward and mentor , they know that like hey , if you want to be a good person , these are some things you might want to focus on and I think all the work that we're doing now is still vital . It's still important to grow and continue learning about ourselves because we have such a powerful influence now .

Speaker 1 21:48

Brother , I'm glad you recognize this book because if I understood relationship types and my own relationship type , I probably could have saved a lot of heartache over the past years . And everybody , what I'm talking about is this book . It's called Attached A New Science of Adult Attachment how it Can Help you Find and Keep Love , by Amir Levine , and I'm very comfortable talking about this now .

Speaker 1 22:15

I wasn't for the longest time . I used to talk about , you know , going to therapy for anxiety and this and that , but I'm at a different phase of my life now . You know I'm at a different phase of my life now . I'm 52 years old . I don't even know if I've ever said this online , but I'm divorced . It's a different lifestyle for me that I need to

Healing Relationships After Military Service

Speaker 1 22:51

understand the type of person that I'm going to be with and they . And the other thing too , is to recognize that if , when you get into these next relationships , that they understand what you are because if you can't recognize what you are , then they're not going to , they're not going to have a clue , and then you're just going to , you're going to keep falling into the same habits .

Speaker 2 23:13

You know , one thing that we do as men as young men and older is we're really good about selling bullshit , we're really good at selling the fucking mask . And until we stop and do the work , until we get better , like we can't be good spouses . We can , we can dip our toes and half-ass it , but I'll tell you like I am a million times better as a spouse now , having gone through my journey , having gone through my build back , than I was before . I had my spiral , before I broke apart . Like it's easy to bullshit your way , um , but you , you're . You're a fraction of the spouse , of the man , of the support structure that you can be if you just take a knee and get better , if you really stop and you work on yourself , like and I know nobody wants to hear that like , but we , even the greatest soft dudes , the greatest leaders in the military , if you don't stop and address your issues and really work on yourself , you're doing a disservice to your family you truly are . Is that the best version of you ? Is the version of you that's willing to look in the mirror and say I need to come clean , I'm dealing with x , y and z ? And if I don't take care of this shit . Like how can you move forward ? How can you be there for somebody when you're constantly struggling with demons that you're not willing to talk about ? Get rid of that , shed that weight , go , get help , be the best version of yourself or your spouse . And I'm saying to somebody like , completely honest , like I was a dog shit partner . I was halfway and I did a lot of good things , but I wasn't the person that I am today . That is fully committed and I think that's why everything works out perfectly in God's plan . Because let me tell you like I wasn't ready to be a father throughout my entire military career . I know that looking back . I know that because I hadn't answered for it , hadn't done any of the thing , any of the work to get better .

Speaker 2 25:21

But it's funny how life works . You know the moment that you finally get everything figured out , you start doing the work , you're no longer running away from the things that were haunting you and you start facing them and you start being honest and you start working through all that backlog of bullshit , like then you realize that you're being , you're capable of being 100 , the best partner you can be , the best husband you can be . Then find myself as a father now and realize , huh like , everything happens for a reason . Do the work , man . It's not easy losing a marriage like part of that club too . But I didn't do any of that reflection work .

Speaker 2 25:59

After that marriage fell apart and just continued moving forward and relationships , girlfriends , you know how many women got the worst version of you , how many people didn't get the best version of you ? And then you go into your next marriage and you want to make sure that you're giving that person like the best foot , the best possible version of you . Like two , two broken people don't make a happy marriage and I know that now , like you want to meet somebody that's 100 hundred percent themselves and you are a hundred percent Like . I'll tell you one thing I know about high achievers . High achievers , go after high achievers and even if you're a little , you'll wear the mask we all do . You'll put on that mask and you're good to go .

Speaker 2 26:41

But if you're listening , don't like , take care of yourself , go after healing and doing the work and then worry about because it's one thing that's like , it's always bothered me . Like you , you see guys like us and they're always constantly looking for a relationship and it's like dude , why are you always looking for a relationship man , like , take a knee , figure your own shit out , you don't need to be attached to someone . Like , be 100 committed to you , fix yourself , then then go looking . Uh , I think that's a message more young men need to hear . But we don't talk about that . We always talk about you know , the , the , the frivolous hookup culture getting getting in a relationship , getting on tinder's like no man , fuck that .

Speaker 2 27:29

Go have adventures . Go get some personal development , seek help from a professional counselor like figure out yeah , how about ?

Speaker 1 27:38

how about , before you jump into it ? I have this multi-faceted plan right now , before I do anything in my life when it comes to relationships . First off , I broke up with my therapist . I broke up with him . I said , hey , you know what ? You've got me to the point where I can make different steps in my life . But hey , here's the deal .

Speaker 1 28:01

My next therapist and I have a call with him tomorrow is going to help me work on my anxious styles , my anxiety . It's going to help . I'm going to tell them everything about me , everything . No , nothing is hidden in my life anymore . I'm going to go in there and be a complete open book and I'm going to say we're going to fucking fix this . And the other thing is the meditation , it's the therapy , it's the working out , because your mind cannot work if you're you just bloated on a couch feeling sorry for yourself . But the thing is , you have to take this approach uh , leave the apps away , focus on yourself , like you said , go on adventures , learn about yourself . You know we always want to jump from one thing to the next , and there's a point in your life where you're like you know what ? Maybe you should figure out who the fuck you are before you go and try to ruin someone's life .

Speaker 2 28:51

Fuck you know dude , yeah , dude , there's no , there's no way of going back you . You can't . You're not gonna be able to go back to those old relationships and apologize for being a dickhead , for being the asshole that ghosted you , for being an asshole that didn't text back like you don't want that long list of failures like stop , and and I think it's an addiction for a lot of people . You're addicted to that like hookup culture . You want to feel good in the moment . No one wants to go home alone and I see that in our culture in the military , both in soft and conventional guys . No one wants to come off that plane from a deployment and not have somebody to go to . So you have all these short-lived hookups and they feel good for a moment , but in reality , like you don't really care about that person . You just want somebody there for you while you're here before you go away on train up .

Speaker 2 29:39

Once you take that time to work on yourself , when you take that time to address the real issues , make something out of yourself . Like military , I used to always think my time in the military was like I just need to worry about train up and work like , did you have so much time for development ? You have so much time for living , go do something with your life . Get off tinder , get off fucking what every other app that's out there , because I think there is a reality that we're not talking about , like what it takes away from you as a man to be constantly looking for that admiration and the short-lived highs of these constant hookups . You don't really need that . What you need to do is figure out who the fuck you are . So when you find the right person , you have value , value , you have worth . You can build something with that person . You can say like , hey , I've done all this awesome shit , I know who I am . I've been freaking .

Speaker 2 30:35

I like I've been on a journey to get to this moment oh man , this internet connection is great but , yeah , being able to like have a connection with a real human being in real time , like like I I , the moment I met my wife , like like I , I didn't meet her on a nap .

Speaker 2 30:52

I have this moment in time for both of us that you know , started out two people meeting like and ended up with us having an amazing journey through life so far like did was able to propose to her in in italy like an amazing experience

Finding Creative Outlets for Mental Health

Speaker 2 31:12

taking jet setting off to italy , didn't tell her where we're going , being able to propose to her there , being able to do an amazing wedding , and those things are like super important for me to look at and I want that for everybody out there to be able to have that authentic meeting with someone you don't know in a away from an app-based relationship where it's just like frivolous sex .

Speaker 2 31:35

Like I spent more time getting to know my wife's family than I did , uh , getting to know like her face to face because , you know , after we had our you know , you know first initial encounter , like she was off to her duty station and like her family lived here and uh where I was stationed at the time . So it's like I didn't have this wonderful like ability to sit down and , you know , worry about , like the , the frivolous hookup culture , like no , like I met this amazing person . We got together , we went to do some great things and the next thing I know I'm spending more time face to face with her family than I'm able to do with her . So it's like it to some people like , yeah , it seems like way too old fashioned for them . I'm like , but there's something to be said about old fashioned .

Speaker 2 32:19

There's something to be said about low burn and getting to know your partner and their family . That is they were missing out on these days . That is they were missing out on these days . I , I love that we're able to do digital stuff so much more , but when it comes to like real love , real romance , real development of a relationship , to be willing to find somebody outside the app space , be willing . You'll be amazed . Like you , you'll be surprised how wonderful that can be is . Now I don't have to tell my kids I met my wife , uh , through an app called tinder and anybody out there who's met their loved one through that .

Speaker 1 32:55

That's perfectly fine . I'm saying like , when you get to a different version of your life , you know you have to , you know kind of different , different phases here . Yeah , it's a the apps and this and that and the drinking and and finding that , that hookup culture , it's just you get to a point in your life where it's not worth it , and I think a lot of it is . You're trying to escape something in yourself and you're trying to find it in someone else through these frivolous connections and it's just . There are so much you could do with your mind and your body and your life other than just focusing on someone else yeah , yeah , it's .

Speaker 2 33:32

I don't want another generation of young men to feel like they're missing out on life because they're not just burning it down every weekend at a bar and it's hard to like promote that I , I want , I don't know . It's like wanting an entire generation of people to live a better life than what you were sold as a young man because that's what we were given . We're given this idea that going out to bars , hooking up , like that was that , was the cool thing to do . But but now more than ever , I realized that like the greatest thing you can do is just push away from your hometown . Uh , either join a military , join an organization that will allow you to travel , or say , screw it all and do the traveling on your own .

Speaker 2 34:16

Yeah , get a cheap motorcycle and get on the road , hit the road , go to south america . Like it sounds dangerous , but it's always a life of quiet desperation . Like living a normal life should not be for everybody . I really , truly it sounds crazy , but really I think we make better citizens when we promote the idea of being able to get outside of your small comfort zone and having a life , especially in your early years in life . That's why military service is so important and that's why I try to advocate for it because if you get a perspective of what life is like in other places , when you come back , you can appreciate what we have here . You can appreciate the value of having a family , having loved ones that you're willing to protect and and work hard for , and I I think more young people need to start living outside of the confines of this Like yeah .

Speaker 1 35:12

Or you know what ? You have that damn thing in your hand . It has a really good camera on it . You know that it's a guy out there and take some pictures . You know , go just I , I listen , man , I invested in the iPhone 16 and the camera is absolutely amazing . My life is now like getting out there and seeing things and not just be like , oh , look , how great I am , but like visualize it . I have 15,000 pictures on here . You know , what I post on social media is hardly any pictures . It's always like some podcasts or something else . Yeah , find a hobby .

Speaker 1 35:41

I you know , when you're going through a lot of mental distress , you're going through a lot of this anxiety . You have a lot going on in your life . You're used to doing the norms to quell it . You're used to well , listen . The gym's one of the best things I've found to do it . And walking I do a ton of walking . That helps . But outside of that , um , stay away from booze , especially when you're going through depression or you're going through anxiety . Um , but what ? I have a routine now and I tell people I have .

Speaker 1 36:08

I have two things I love doing . One is um photography . I've always wanted to do photography . I took a couple of classes here and there . So now I'll go out and I'll take pictures and I love it .

Speaker 1 36:20

Um , I don't post them all online , I just some of them are just for me . It's fine , but it's something . You're seeing the world through a different lens and it's calming because you're you know . But the other thing I always laugh because I think I mentioned this on the past few podcasts is I come home and I uh , I do paint by numbers , so I'm doing like this everglaze one now , and it's like every day I come home and I do one number . I want to do more , but I tell myself , okay , I'm just going to take my time , I'm going to do my one number and , uh , it's very calming , but it's something that , like , you don't think about . You don't think about different things . Now I'm looking for other to where it's not just the norm . Listen , man , I shoot all the time . I do all that sort of stuff . But I want something that's just different , something outside of my past 30 , 40 years .

Speaker 2 37:07

Dude , grow orchids . I'm telling you , get some orchids . And here's why it is a great metaphor for life as a veteran . We come out of the military and we think this is the end of our life . This is it . I can never do something . That's great .

Speaker 2 37:26

That's 90% of the times where you're going to see in the orchid aisle , home Depot all the wilted ones that haven't bloomed , and you can find them for like a dollar , $2 . Buy those . Buy a handful of those orchids . Figure out , read the label , figure out how much sunlight you need and you'll find out . The majority of what you need to do is take it out of that plastic shitty pot . Put it in a proper orchid pot . It's got holes so that air can get through Just put in the right amount of sunlight . Give it the right , just the right amount of water . Oftentimes it's just soaking it once a week and then spraying , bottling it , and what you will find is in the right environment , the right amount of sun , the right amount of water .

Speaker 2 38:08

That thing's going to bloom over and over and over again . And it is exactly what we need as veterans when we're getting out of the military . We're getting out of the military . We're not getting out in our pristine early 20s or early 18-year-old selves Like , no , when we're getting out of the military . We're getting out of the military . We're not getting out in our pristine early 20s or early 18-year-old selves Like , no , we're broken . We have to rehab . We're probably nursing a lot of surgeries , but give it some time , give it some space and give it the right support structure that's not willing to quit on you . Give it the right environment and it's going to start growing . You're going to start growing , you're going to get back into shape , you're going to go back to the gym and you're going to start flourishing again and you'll look at that work and it'll be a perfect reminder of where you were in that transition period when you first left , versus where you're at now .

Speaker 1 38:55

I tell you this must be the thing that you do , Cause I'm looking around my apartment and I'm like , okay , I got like the first thing I bought was plants . I'm like looking around , I'm looking at all of them , I'm like , you know , I water them , it's something , I'm nourishing them , but now I have to get orchids .

Speaker 2 39:10

You do , I'm telling you , and it goes hand in hand photography , cause that was the other thing , photography . And then they , everybody's like oh , you can just have mindfulness to anything , it'll be an exercise , and we go . If you're going to do it mindfully , you have to be in the moment , be in a moment . Don't take a picture and look at it and dissect it . No , you walk around , breathing in , breathing out , take a picture and take another picture . The mind , if your mind tells you to take a picture , then you take that picture . Then , after you're done , you go back , you go into your editing process and you'll be blown away how many times you caught , you captured something that's just like holy shit , I took that . I took that . Of course you did . Of course you took that great fucking shot because you weren't in your head thinking , oh , that's a good shot , it's a bad shot , and you're just open and willing to take a picture and don't do it .

Speaker 2 40:00

Or , cell phone go get a camera . Yeah , go get a good olympus camera , go get a sony camera , whatever camera you want to do , because I think that there's a photographer and a lot of us , a lot of veterans , like taking pictures . Maybe they're not like , like , maybe they're like me . I don't want to . I didn't want to admit that I was a creative . I didn't want to look at that aspect of me and say , yeah , I can do that .

Speaker 2 40:21

But some of the best shots I ever did were just being mindful , walking around and when I felt it just took the picture , took the picture and just continue walking around instead of being in my head because before I would try to take photos and I would pause , look at it . We go , that's not the proper setting . Put it on fucking auto , just leave it on fucking auto and take the picture . Come to find out that's what a lot of fucking photographers are doing anyway . There's time and place for you to learn all the other different features . But get out there , start taking pictures and don't be judgmental . Just take the fucking picture and then look at it when you get home . Okay , you'll have so many little fucking happy accidents like .

Speaker 1 41:03

And one thing about photography is you don't you go out there . You take 500 pictures . Maybe two are good . Yeah , you know , I've noticed I always think I'm taking more than I am . So I come home with like 26 , 27 pictures . I'm like one or two are pretty good . And I did the things . I went to the classes and figured out some of the apertures and all this stuff , but a lot of times you'd leave a lot of the settings on auto . Yeah , a lot of them . You know when you're you're you're shuffling between apertures here and there and and lenses . You know you can work with them , but you just keep like you said , just get a nice camera put through a real camera compared to a cell phone , is it's a different experience ?

Speaker 2 41:43

yeah , it's . We get used to like , especially in this , in this space , like when you have to create content and you're creating content with the phone because the phone has , you know , better apps for you to edit with and if you're trying to do your camera , it's going to be a four-step process versus two man . Put the phone down for a little bit , stop worrying about what the clicks and likes are going to be . Just go out there and take photos . It's a great hobby . Yeah , it can cost a little bit . I've now upgraded a few times , but it's . I will tell you right now . It's one of the greatest things to do . To like start getting out there , because I know there's a lot of people that deal with like anxiety when it comes to social spaces . Dude , get a camera , hide behind that lens all day .

Speaker 1 42:26

Dog and you know what , go to facebook marketplace or somewhere else and pick up a used one . Yeah , if you want to do that . And then another thing find a creative outlet , anything , because I tell you what your mind needs time to process , uh , pain , yep , you know you have a lot . A lot of us have pain , the loneliness , the anxiety , and it comes , it comes in waves , dude and I I want to be respectful .

Speaker 2 42:54

I know you're in this this moment , right now . It's very raw , you're in this in this moment , but this is something that I get in my inbox a lot . It's funny , you , you , you don't expect to become like real close with people you meet on the internet , but I've had a few people reach out on Instagram when they're going through a tough thing and one of the toughest things that always comes across is divorce . But it's the anxiety that's connected with divorce , because divorce is sometimes a mutual thing , but more often than not , it's something that is dropped on our service members and it's something that creates

Physical Fitness for Mental Wellness

Speaker 2 43:38

this anxiety of like I didn't want this , I want this person , I want my wife back , I want my family back .

Speaker 2 43:45

How do I deal with this anxiety ? And the short answer is you have to be okay with letting it go . You have to be okay with embracing that discomfort in the moment and breathing All right , like I can't call this person , I can't immediately reach out and I'm not going to be able to get any sort of satisfaction from this person right now . I have to sit here in this moment like , how have you been dealing with this ?

Speaker 1 44:14

oh me , I don't even yeah , I won't even get into that with uh , it's very amicable , it's very um , I'm just trying to come up with my new . Who is this new person ? You know , it's not even about like relationships , it's about like . You know , who is this next version of me ? And that's why you know that the I like I I'm doing the glow up where you know you're working out all the time , but to me , the working out is different .

Speaker 1 44:40

Yeah , dude , not it's not about it's easy to fix the physical yeah , but the thing about the workout too it's not even about looking better . Yeah , it's about um , getting there , getting in front of that steel and just and doing it and and putting into work . And the same thing with walking every day , or like I was overdoing the walk and I was walking five , six miles a day , twelve on the weekends , on per day , and uh , I said , okay , my body can't do that , so now , like dude , I'll jump on the bike at the gym .

Speaker 1 45:12

But the thing is the workout is it's more of , uh , my mental clarity yeah it's more about me getting in there and showing people that you can do it , that you're not this broken version . And I , I see these people all the time . They want to live off of that version of themselves . I hate that . You know that they , I see this , I , this shirt pops up on my instagram all the time and I'm like what's what sponsored ad says ? Broken , not broken or broken . I'm like , bro , we're not broken , we're not yeah , the disgruntled I'm broken , disgruntled , angry veteran .

Speaker 2 45:44

I hate that too . I , every dude like you , have limitations depending on your injuries , depending on things that happen to you . Yes , if you you're missing a leg , you're definitely . You have something . You have something that you are not going to be able to recover . You have to adapt to that . But you're not broken in the sense that you can never fix yourself and overcome this injury . Overcome this , this injury , like that's the thing we have to understand . Like just that . Overcome this injury , overcome things we're dealing with . All of us can do that , every single one of us .

Speaker 2 46:27

Chronic pain doesn't have to impede your life forever . The idea that we can have a life free of pain is just impossible . Man , I will tell you , if I would have allowed myself to believe that I'm going to just be controlled by my pain , I will never go after any of the things that I've gone and done . Like , you have to at some point understand that there is a cost to living this life . It's a full contact sport . You're going to have to go through some pain and it's okay . It's okay to understand that pain is a good thing . It says you're fucking alive . Back pain that's the number one thing that you always hear , like back pains , knee pain , yeah , okay , what if I told you that if you just went to the gym for a few times a week , you can get to the point where you can minimize that pain in your back ?

Speaker 1 47:11

People don't want to hear that .

Speaker 2 47:12

They want a medication . They don't want to look at the amount of weight that it would take to lose , to get off their medication , to get to feeling better , because it just seems too painful you know , the back is one of the first things to go , because it's not just it's not just injuries , it's stress yeah yeah , holy shit , brother , I was um .

Speaker 1 47:34

I don't think I said this online . I don't think I've ever told anybody how fucking fat I got , but um , about five years ago I was damn near 300 .

Speaker 1 47:44

I was about 300 pounds dude and then , um , my back , the stress , the booze , the booze , yep , and then , um , I was at the point where my back would seize and I couldn't even walk , I couldn't move . And then I'm like , what finally hit ? It was , uh and I've told this story before as I was out getting some ice cream with my daughter and , um , I just I went past that straight on my face because it's stress , anxiety had to go to the hospital . I had a buddy help me , I put me on a workout plan and , uh , dropped over 50 pounds . And the thing is , fuck , yeah , jason what happens .

Speaker 1 48:22

And you know , I tell people that because the first thing I did when I first started was walk yep walk .

Speaker 1 48:29

You don't have to . I I did a post the other day on ig and youtube and I was like look , get out there and walk . A lot of people they want to do , is they ? I want to run K . And what they'll do is they'll get out there and they'll run , like you know , five , six miles , or they'll try to run five or six miles . What the reality is they'll run a half a mile . Then I'll be like I can't do this , yep , and then I'll quit .

Speaker 1 48:51

But if you tell yourself you're going to walk 10 minutes , then the next week you walk 15 minutes , next week you walk 20 . The next thing you know you're doing , like you know , 70 miles , like it's nothing . And the walking , the steady state movement , and it's not just the walking that's happening right there . It's like after you get past a certain 10 , 15 minutes , you start getting into your mind and you start working through things . Then the next thing , you add your diet to it . And your diet doesn't have to be crazy .

Speaker 1 49:22

Me now , I just I watch sugar . I'm like I really need these carbs , but all it is is just starting . Yeah , we always , and that's the problem with the types of people we are and the types of people we were around is like , we want to be that version of ourself we were when we were 22 , and that's the other post I put out the other day . I to be that version of ourself we were when we were 22 , and that's the other post I put out the other day . I said look , my version of infantry officer uh , captain piccolo , is a lot different than this 52 year old version of me .

Speaker 1 49:53

This version of me is going to be mentally and physically better than I ever had before because you , you know what ? When I came back , I was 198 pounds when I got back from Iraq . Now , it's not about the weight , it's about I don't want to be that mental space I was back then and I want to be in this great mental space now and plus , I also want to be in great shape to be a great father .

Speaker 2 50:20

Yeah , it's understanding . Like different periods in your life demand different , uh , demand you to be different in many ways . Like you , you don't need the body of a fitness influencer in their 20s . When you're a 50 year old man , a 40 year old man like what do you want to do ? What do you want to go after in life ? And here's the thing whatever you want to do , like you get to decide . Do you want to go run ultra marathons ? And in 50s and 60s ? Because you can just get the workout plan for it . Figure out what your life is going to be for those next chapters in your life ? Like you get to decide that . But you have to start somewhere . You have have to do something .

Speaker 2 51:00

Nobody should look at themselves in the mirror when they're 300 , 400 pounds and say , yeah , this is perfect , I like where this is at . That's not reality . And if people are telling you that you're good the way you are , I'm the first positive voice that will tell you , sadly . No , you need to change . If you want to live , if you want to be here for your family members , physical fitness should be on the list of things that you have to prioritize Because , guess what , it's directly linked to your mental health 100% . When you look good , when you feel good , when you're out there moving , getting natural endorphins and it's not coming from sugar and it's not coming from laying down playing video games you're going to feel better , like , and you're 100 correct . The easiest thing to do is start with walking .

Speaker 1 51:48

That's what I did just keep doing it , man .

Speaker 1 51:50

And that's the other thing too is just keep doing it yeah , yeah well , brother , we have a couple more things we got to get over today , and one of them is a couple questions I'm starting to do at the end of it and we're going to get into the . And one of them is a couple questions I'm starting to do at the end of it and we're going to get into all the whole . You want to be green brain and stuff like that , but just wait for the article . It'll come out eventually and you could google most of this stuff , but I think today's conversations are a lot more important than you know . That stuff , um , I do want to . Uh , we'll get into right before we get off too , but what is your why now ?

Final Thoughts and Positive Takeaways

Speaker 2 52:22

So my why is to be the connective tissue to our outreach or our veterans that are in a critical space , that are on the verge , that may be feeling like they don't belong or that they should be doing something that could drastically end their life , or that they should be doing something that could drastically end their life . To those resources , to either a mental health professional , to a nonprofit that I brought on to the show or to the Special Forces Foundation that I'm working with now , and that's everything to do with my podcast . Anything that I do is connected to that why ? Because I feel that I can connect with you and get you in with the humor , get you in with something that made you laugh , but then I can bridge that gap and show you that , like , hey , a simple Google , which I will gladly do I will sit on the phone with you and Google a resource for you . I've done it thousands of times now , but to show you that , like , hey , you can reach out to me , I can bring other people that will , whose stories will resonate with you and that will give you the courage to just Google and stay here a little longer to get the help you deserve , because now more than ever .

Speaker 2 53:28

We have to admit that this issue of veteran suicide isn't going away and it's not going to be solved by the VA .

Speaker 2 53:35

It's not going to be solved by some grand organization . It's going to be solved by us , by the veterans and by the nonprofits that are created by us . That's why I'm proud to work for the Special Forces Foundation , because it's led by Green Berets for Green Berets , and I know that , yes , now part of our mission is completely , 100% dedicated to our special forces green berets . But that's where security hall is also still going to continue being around , because with security hall I can still help every single service member and first responder , regardless of conventional military background or special forces background .

Speaker 2 54:14

You need help , I can help you or connect you to the person that can help you . But I am very passionate about being the social media rep over at Special Forces Foundation . So if you see a humorous meme or you see a new post , know that it's me , know that I'm speaking to you and certainly would love to get anybody that's willing to throw some money or backing and support to that nonprofit , because they are absolutely 100 of the boys for the boys and we need more support well , you're a meme farmer no 100 man all day , every day I don't even know how many memes I send every day .

Speaker 1 54:52

Every day , I , I might like the meme . The meme thing is , it's the best . I , I love it . It's like the best thing out there . Yeah , because you need humor . You need because you a lot of times you relate to him , man , so much . Yeah , the last thing is uh , what is the best piece of advice you have ever been given and why it's tough one ?

Speaker 2 55:19

I've gotten some great advice over the years , but , um , honestly , man can't say this man's name enough today he's been . A lot of people have been asking me for information . I have to give this out to dan rayburn . Um , he's the first person that gave me a shot to produce a podcast and I'm still with him today . But the best piece of advice he ever gave me is funny enough . Like , when it comes to creating something whether it's a podcast , a blog , social media site if you're a creative , content is king . Make it authentic , make it undeniable , and make it purely because you want to make it and you'll find an audience . And , to this day , dan Raymer podcast is one of the number one streaming media news podcasts out there and we don't market it outside of his blog post and his personal page on LinkedIn . It's because his content is King when it comes to streaming media . So if you're out there and you're making a show , content , content , content make sure it's good content and the rest will take care of itself , even if it's a show about kittens .

Speaker 1 56:35

I'm glad you brought that up too , because you can make a show niche . Your show down Kittens . Hey , who doesn't love kittens ? I mean , there are some people out there , but when you come down to when , if you were going , my piece of advice too is , if you're going to create a podcast is commit .

Speaker 1 56:49

Yeah , I've . I've gone through over the years . I've kind of lost focus on the podcast . I've been up and down with it . But then , when you do commit commit all your resources . That means like you're doing the YouTube videos , you're doing the IG posts , you're reaching out to guests , you're getting feedback and you're using your network . You have so many people that want to support you .

Speaker 2 57:12

Yep .

Speaker 1 57:14

Well , the other thing , too , I need to say is I started this new thing that we mentioned before about positives . What's your positives for today ? Give me two positives .

Speaker 2 57:22

Number one I woke up to the two greatest women on earth my wife and my little girl . Another positive is I'm here with you , jason , got to share some positivity with the world and got to give a positive mention to , um , some people out there that are doing the same thing . Uh , so , right now , now more than ever , we need storytellers , we need veterans that are willing to get in to this space and share their story and make it as big and as popular as we can , because if you succeed , if you succeed , then I succeed , and that's the absolute truth .

Speaker 1 58:04

They're wins . Little things like that are wins . Just waking up and having great conversations that's my biggest thing now is I tell people , find a win every day , something that's a positive win To me . My positives are well , one my daughter had a great soccer match last night and they won and the face , the look on her face was incredible . I loved it . The second is I'm going to be able to see my kids tonight . I see him . I see my kids almost every day . I got to give it to that . There's no crazy things there . But the other thing is I'm still . I'm still having good conversations . I'm still able to have positive conversations and spread a message .

Speaker 1 58:41

Brother , hell yeah man well , brother , I appreciate you everybody . Make sure you check out the security hall podcast . Make sure you go to special forces foundation see what they got going on and how . Where do we find you at , brother ?

Speaker 2 58:54

now . You can find me on instagram uh , either my personal page , danny underscore , tanner underscore junior um , or check me out security out podcast on Instagram as well . Same thing on every on X . Same thing security out podcast . And YouTube as well . Go ahead on over there , hit me up . I respond almost instantaneously , unless it's like past bedtime . Then I'll give to you the next morning . Stop by our website at securityhallcom and check out our blogs . Got a lot of good information out there . We do a good mix of wrapping up episodes or latest information about stuff that's pertinent to veterans , whether it's cancer information , sleep issues or VA stuff . Love to cover all that stuff because I like to write , so yeah .